I adore you, but there’s a hole in the cup that should hold my love.
-John Mayer, Only Heart
It wasn’t too long ago when I discovered that there was a huge crack at the bottom of my favorite tea cup. I’ve used the same cup for several years without paying much attention to it. I had become accustomed to hurriedly pouring hot water into it every morning as I rushed the kids to school or cleaned up the kitchen. And so this crack went undetected for several weeks or possibly several months simply because I never bothered to look inside of it. Instead, I rushed passed it, never stopping to take a closer look.
I live my life in the same way at times. Always rushing, assuming everything is fine and never stopping to take a closer look at what’s going on inside.
Taking the time to think about my thoughts, feelings and reactions is sometimes much too difficult for me to do. It reveals truths that I may not be ready to admit to myself and “blind spots” that threaten to demolish any idea of progress I want to believe I’ve made. And the harsh reality is that I can go on rushing past those difficult truths about myself only to have them go completed undetected until they produce an ugly harvest in my life.
If left unchecked, this baggage builds a wall between me and God, creating distance until our relationship completely fades away.
Proverbs 4:23 says, “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.”
Vigilance-the very meaning of this word encourages me to overcome my hesitation. Vigilance is simply the action or state of keeping careful watch for possible danger or difficulties. Why wouldn’t I want to watch out for possible danger?
I realize all too quickly that the busyness of my life keeps me from keeping careful watch for danger. I run around without sorting through the “junk” inside myself simply because it’s easier for me to deal with it some other time, some other day.
But I need to stop and look in.
The only way I know how to this is by spending time alone with God. And only in those moments of quiet solitude do I have the courage to ask Him to reveal my blind spots: past hurts, old wounds left unhealed, wrong thinking and anything else I’m still holding on to.
Then in the following days, He slowly begins to reveal truth to me in different ways. He takes His time. He gently leads and I follow, sometimes reluctantly, but still knowing that it’s for my best.
When He is done I am left empty. No longer heavy with hurt and doubt; I feel free again. And that hole in my heart, through which His everlasting love can easily slip through, is healed and I can truly walk closely with Him again.